Trollervention

Trollervention

Jack Gorbett

(Scene. An apartment)

Tim opens the door to his apartment to see his girlfriend, dad, mother and grandmother sitting on a couch. In front of them is an empty chair with troll dolls encircling it.

Tim: What the?!....

Dad: Tim, please sit....I think. I think it's time we talked.

Tim, looking at his girlfriend Jodi

Tim: Did you? Did you set this up?

Mom: Tim, sweetheart. Please just sit down. We need to speak with you.

Tim confused, sits down in the empty chair.

Tim: Ok, ok, what is this even about? I don't drink. And what's with the dolls? This feels like an intervention.

Jodi: Tim honey, you know that I love you. But the behavior as of late on social media has been rather...harsh. Your incessant need to comment, post and belittle anyone with a viewpoint that doesn't agree with you. Your instigating. Just this morning you left your Facebook account open for me to see that you were fat shaming  a ten year old Girl scout troop downtown...The, the conspiracy theories of how Flint water supply is just flavored,  Obama's secret Muslim brotherhood stories....Trump, the next FDR....It's just..

Tim's dad interrupts her.

Dad: She means to say you're turning into a troll son!

Tim's Mom looks shocked at her husband's rude interruption

Mom: What do you know about trolls?

Dad: I married one!

Tim's mother has a staff, cloak and troll arms ears and nose now. Her demeanor is loving.

Tim: Whoa, whoa whoa whoa. Back off ok! I'm allowed to have an opinion on something mother!

My facts matter!

Jodi: Tim, honey calm down. Your mother didn't say anything to you just now. I did. Look, you know I love you in this real world, so why can't you just return it. Put the social media down. You're turning into someone I didn't fall in love with.

Cut to Tim with troll staff and cloak on. He's not angry, but sounds like a troll would.

Tim: With all due respect to your guys feelings. I disagree with you idiots. I can't help that when I'm in a political disagreement with complete strangers that I get animated with my facts. It's my first amendment right you see?

Mom: Tim, sweetie do you hear what you sound like now? What you look like to those around you?

Cut back to Tim with troll staff, cloak, and now troll arms.

Tim: You guys act like I'm a troll all the time! I work full time. I don't have time to do these things!

Dad: Well son you have your cell phone out in your left hand. You mean to tell me you're not trolling the internet now?

Tim staff in one hand, cell phone in the other is commenting on a Facebook thread speaking out loud to himself:

Tim: Ha! That's what a so called '9/11' truth denier would say! Read a book buddy!

Jodi: Please don't take this the wrong way honey, we love you and are here for you. We know you've been stressed out at work and are just worried and concerned for your wellbeing. I know you're a beautiful man, with a beautiful heart.......

Jodi is interrupted by an angry Tim who is now a full troll. (ears, nose, staff, cloak, arms) He stands up angrily.

Tim: Arrrgh! This is preposterous! I can't even stomach you people anymore! I need to get out of here! Arrrgh!

Tim angrily walks through the wall of his tiny apartment. Dad looks at Jodi

Dad: Well your plan didn't seem to work.

Mom, still dressed as full on troll.

Mom: Oh you hush! Christ, I wonder where he got it from! And you!

Mom looks at grandma, her mother, silently nodding next to her.

Mom: What! You're just going to sit idly by and be quiet the entire time mother?!

Grandma: What?! What do you want from me?! I saw the dolls, I thought he was gay.

We pan out to see a small series of apartments that are under a bridge in a city with a sign that reads "Reality: Population 'Non-existent'

(end)