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(Scene) Donald Trump is hunched over empty bottles of 'Trump' Vodka at his desk in the Oval Office. It's 11:30 a.m. on Saturday January 28th 2017. He picks up the phone, hits the speed dial.
Trump: Pewtz! My man! What's up you Gremlin from the archaic Kremlin?
Cut to a shirtless Putin at his office desk. He has a beer hat on being served Stoli Vodka from two young men.
Putin: You got "dumps like a Trump, Trump, Trump, voters like what, what what, baby move your but, but but, I think I’ll say it again!”
.........wait a sec....Donald you don't drink?!?!
Trump: I do now.....Please don't Pewty Matada. It means no worries. At least until the end of days. Look here Simba, that new domestic violence law you guys passed, love it. Absolutely love it.
Putin: Aw thanks Trump Tower. It's not official yet but soon I'll give it that 'From Russia with Love stamp of approval.' It's like the honest to very Orthodox God says, his Russian Proverb:
"He beats you because he loves you."
Trump: Is that an alternative fact you got there Poot? It's what I tried to tell Hillary supporters but they wouldn't listen!
(Both laugh coughing over Vodka)
Putin: Look my friend, congratulations on the election!
Trump: Look! I'll be back in that USSR of yours faster then Paul Mcartney, who, by the way, DID NOT agree to play my inaugural. Total disappointment. I blame him. Also, I wrote the song Yesterday. Me. Not him. I did. His? Total failure. A disaster. He's a disaster. Total sham.
Putin: Trump, baby, what's got you so steamed?
Trump: Ugh. These so called Americans. You know you manage to win the popular vote by over 2.5 million votes in a mandate, and no love Pooty Cat.
Putin: Yeah, there, there Trumpelstilskin I did see the festivities last Saturday. Whoa baby. I mean I know I locked up a BAND Pussy Riot, but you got a full BLOWN pussy riot my friend. Either way, glad I could help you.
Trump: You didn't say that KGBGB. We're being tapped.
Putin: By wire?
Trump: No by Pence.
(Pence sheepishly and glaringly taps Trump's shoulder and takes the phone)
Pence: Hi Vladimir!
Putin: Michael Pensive Pence you old rascal! How are you?
Pence: Oh I'm ok Vlady, just rolling back women's rights and years of progress. You?
Putin: It's like you're my much scarier older cousin Michael, Michael! Cheers my friend!
Look put 'Golden hair' back on will you, you old white devil you?
Pence: Oh Vlad, you're the devil. You stop it!
Pence wakes up a passed out Trump at the desk and hands him the phone. Trump wakes up and clears about 7 empty bottles of Trump vodka that was on the oval office desk.
Trump: I swear your honor I didn't touch below the!.......Ah, oh...Poot?!
Putin: Poot here! Look D-Trumpy. I got a little sanction on me by a guy who's name rhythms with 'yo mama' that I need lifted. I'm being squeezed Donnie Trumpsco. It's getting out of hand baby!!!
Trump: Don't get me started on him 'my real Notorious VP'. The man leaves me with the highest gain of job growth in twelve years. A health care plan that wants to give over 20 million poors insurance, and no wars to build on.
Putin: Together we will fix that Donald. Now buckle up to do. We have a lot of no work to do....And
Together: LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S BLAAAHAHAHAHA (Throwing up)
(Mildred Vladimir's maid comes in confused looking at the camera)
Mildred: Saturday Night?
**Band Music**
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