Hating Babies?

A Sleep Up Ambien Production 

You read that title right. I just changed the font of this to 'Georgia' for effect. Or is it affect? 
I digress.

I just got done chatting with a "Facebook friend" You know the type on the Facebooks who I know through mutual friends who I don't really know, but when he gets famous,  (because he's a Bellingham comic),I'll claim to have been besties with him. I've met him at a couple of our friend's parties and he seemed like a normal, Washingtonian type guy. Could be a serial killer, or an architect?

I recently discovered after listening to a podcast with him talking about his process for comedy that he hates babies. He hates babies. I learned in a creative writing class that if you repeat a sentence it adds effect (or affect) to the reader. So now, imagine if you will my inner Jack Torrance at the lodge in the Shinning moment. He hates babies. He hates babies ×100
Now I've heard people say they don't like babies, they don't care for them, hell, they don't want them. Conversely, I have heard people say they hate war, disease, poverty, racism, homophobia and the cast of Glee!

But babies?

Hate is a strong word. A powerful word.

The funny thing to me is, I don't want to know the why. Why does he hate babies? I don't want to know, because it's intriguing to keep up the mystery. Like what would a baby have to do to conjur up feelings of, not dislike, not annoyance, but hate! I hate babies. Hate.....babies. What did a baby do to him?

I imagine a scenario in which our guy who hates babies, (if I haven't said that already), is about nine. No ten. He's ten.

He just won the big game for his little league team and everyone gathers after, coaches, parents, kids to get ice cream.

The lady operating the window of the local ice cream joint says uh
"Alright kids, do to the high demand I have enough ice cream for the next two in line!"
To himself, our guyA funny guy who hates babies thinks 'Great. There's a lady in front of me and I'm number two. I'll get ice cream.'

He smiles.

As soon as he realizes this and he's number two in line the lady in front of him, turns around to reveal in her hand an ice cream cone and a six month baby strapped to her chest holding that second cone. Suddenly, and without warning or provocation, the baby shits it's diaper dropping both its cone, and number two on our guy's face. This creates a waffling Superman flavor smell of ice cream shit as our hero looks to the sky and says out loud.

"God, I hate babies."

So yeah, if he came to me with that scenario I'd say,
"Wow, yeah I get it. Hey, who wants ice cream?"