Roast Seattle!! (With Bad, poorly thought out Jokes.) SO? The Transportation system?

(many don't know Sasquatch to be a romantic)

The Emerald City isn't just the fictional city in the magical land of Oz, it's also the name given to Seattle. Yeah. Like this city, everyone's trying to get to it looking for a brain, a heart, and some courage and, THERES ONE ROAD TO GET THERE! At least in the movie they had gold to walk on. The gold in Seattle is reserved for the few in Medina who celebrate the 90's with their neighborhood block parties.

"It was all a dream I used to read Seattle Weekly Magazine!!"

Do you think if they change the name of the Space Needle to just 'the Needle' more Seattle residents would try it out?

I've never been on top of the SPACE needle, but I did get higher then it when I stepped out of my apartment this morning. Yeah, a sweet couple with a five month baby just moved here from Denver. The baby loves her vitamins T H and C.

Seattle of course built the Space Needle when they hosted the World's  Fair. Constructed in 1962 it represented the future. Moving forward, from then on residents in cities, because of it's creation would beem, "Why is this still here? What is this?"

Seattle of course built the Space Needle in 1962 to represent the future. Sure, African-Americans couldn't be guaranteed the right to vote yet at the time, but hey, it represents the future! I mean the present.

Americans can be very unconnected from each other as they ride in their cars, oblivious and mad at strangers. That's why I love Seattle. It's like Europe in that everyone, Everyone rides bikes! It's a progressive city. Even the cops of Seattle have caught on. Yeah, no longer in their cars they've really embraced the community policing and beating the shit out of the residents as they pedal their 10 speed.. Yeah. Warms my heart they're making contact. Even if it's not eye contact. ::SIGH:: I love it here.

Seattle, like many cities in America is experiencing a homeless problem. The homeless actually have a problem, but we're so lucky to have the problem you know? They have an encampment, an encampment called "THE JUNGLE" Ohhhhh. Can Axl Rose take me here?!?!

And I love getting the real facts from the residents.

"Look, I'm as progressive as they come but they need to help themselves and it's kind of ruining our community and....."

I understand their woes. It must be so hard for them to drive their car to their job over their encampment on the I-5. They get out of work ::crying:: back to their....I'm sorry.....HOME..... They look down. ::Sighs:: We do have it rough.

Seattle has a cool hip free magazine called The Stranger to let you know what's up in the city. I feel like the Stranger in many ways. I'm not from here. I have no friends. People read me and laugh, and I'm often found  in garbage cans and the streets.

Seattle is lucky to have it's first ever socialist elected to city council, Kshama Sawant. We've made progress here. In fact, so much that her oponenets are ONLY hurling misogynistic insults and NOT, socialism=communism chants. Warms my heart. Of course they're wrong. Socialism DOES equal Communism. Much like the 64 Browns are the 99' Browns. And if you don't understand that joke. Congrats. You're not from Cleveland, Ohio.

I love local TV personality, King 5's Brad Goode and his segment "Goode For Business"

I don't like local TV personality, Goode's cousin Jeff Badd and his segment "Badd For Business"

Mostly because I don't understand, is he a conservative advocating business or is he a liberal calling out ones that are? It warms my heart that it's a very Seattle segment. Let's confuse you and make you figure it out!!!

Also, I can't read.

"And now a look at weather Jeff. Jeff what should we look for.........."

"Rain Brad. Rain. Rain. It's going to rain. Deal with it."

I moved here saw a psychiatrist and she said I had 'Seasonal defective disorder.' No, I know what season it is. It's the eternal winter of MY MIND! Can you give me a pill lady? And, and. you just met me 10 minutes ago?

She honest to God gave me lithium within 10 minutes of meeting her and mind you I wasn't crying or desperate (not yet) The only lithium I prescribe to is the song Kurt Cobain wrote and we all know how that worked out for him...........Yeah, his friends were in his head. I need mine on Facebook, thank you!

I have a friend who lives in Auburn and I live in Redmond. It's like I live in Seattle and he's stuck in Deleware. (sorry Nic).

No, he's a good man who's been through a lot in his life. It's  like a University of Washington undergrad from Medina. This year. This year. Parents wouldn't pay for .....::Sigh::....the books.

How does a Medina teen talk to a Bellevue teen?

"Did I tell you? I was in Renton the other day brah. Dude, I heard Jimi Hendrix was buried there and guess what? We saw...we actually saw."

"What Big foot?"

"No a black person!"

"Get out!"

Actually Redman is interesting in that I don't see many red men. We do have diversity of people all over the world who work at Microsoft. A diverse group of people who have never driven a car before and understand the basic concept of  what a car does.

But you know what I realized something. They have it right and I'm, like usual, dead wrong.

You see this entire area is beaituful and they just want to stop and check it out.

And I get it, I really get it.

Well I have at least 200 more I've written over my course of living here for five years. I know I know very little about this area as I live in my bubble.

The area is beautiful and I love it all.

This is Action Jackson reminding you to spread the love!!

And Can we bring back this show????? I want to write for it!!!!!!

HAVE A SEATTLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donald Trump's Dream #43

                                     

Trump Dream

And Look I Wanted to Get the BIGGEST Font Edition:

Donald Trump finds himself, after a long night of New York club hopping, back at his desk performing his best Tony Montana in snorting a line of cocaine off his desk. He falls asleep. He's transported to his life giving a speech to some group of people. The year is maybe 1988.

"And I'll tell you something else. Look, look, we're going to build a wall, ok?! Ok?! A wall so yuge and so massive and look. Look. You're going to be able to comment on this wall ok? You can like it too. You can cherry pick facts on this wall. You can get a source from anybody I don't know and post it on this wall. Ok? Look, I've said it before I love the poorly educated! And babies! Oh I love babies, ok? So what are we going to do folks?! How are we going to build this wall.?I'll tell you. I'll tell you."

**alarm rings Mr. Trump from his sleep. He immediately calls his secretary.**

Trump: Deborah, call Saul Goldstein, I have to sue Mark Zuckerberg!

Grateful for the Dead, and that I'm not.

Grateful (Dead)

American Beauty 

"And it's just a box of rain, I don't know who put it there."

Box of Rain

I've been coming back lately to the nostalgic past of my childhood. Born in 83', I was lucky to have parents, siblings and peers who listened to some pretty cool music, with good vibes and a good message. 

DON'T DO DRUGS!

No.

Just say No! To bad music!

Well lately as I realized that holy hell it's August 1st, I need to take a summer inventory. 

Maybe it's because I miss the summers in Ohio sometimes and the child hood when my parents played this album more times then I can remember. 

Summer vacations were the best! If it was R.E.M. and the B52's rocking the 90's van, then it was the San Francisco hippie machine that was the Grateful Dead giving me, a ten year old the soundtrack of his youth. 

Let's break it down: 

It's the first of the month in this crazy good year 2016 and Seattle has seen more brighter days this year then a Mormon family reunion. 

What a way to start the August month Seattle!

At work today, on the Macro Hard Campus (a fictitious place I'm contracted out of to work, small time software company) nerds, geeks, and Pokemon Go enthusiasts had heads up and were NOT walking like they were entrenched in reverent prayer; heads down walking like zombies.

This was a day to remember. One that Ice Cube wouldn't have mind making another track with the given name. As I look out my window, my box of rain (it's not raining) I see families smiling and people walking with each other. 

It's kind of refreshing when you're working those forty hours a week (hardly a busy work week). My job is easier then the subtle, yet soft soothing notes of William Hung from American Idol. 

She bangs!

"Said I'm running but I take my time, the friend of the devil is a friend of mine."

Friend of the Devil

That was 177 days ago from today. When I was still drinking, rationalizing to myself that after a long day I needed to celebrate the way Motley Crue did after every day ever. 

I have friends and they're not so much in low places as they are high, medium, low and somewhere in between. 

Tis' life. The good life. No thug life, but we do give hugs! Plenty of Midwest hugs! 

The first of the month isn't just a catchy jingle from Cleveland Ohio rap group Bone Thugs N Harmony. No, although great Barbershop name too I might add!

I can imagine bizzy bone would be busy perfecting his harmony at the Harmony Classic. 

I'm getting off topic as my ADHD, or as I call it, my Always distracting hand dances spitting truth bombs. 

It's a good refresher course to give yourself the outlook that you want to see for the rest of the month, the rest of the year, blah blah blah (motivational speeches!)

"She don't come and I don't follow, waits back stage while I sing to you. She's the summer loving spring, fall and winter."

Marriage has been awesome. Being a father has been equally amazing. I got lucky no doubt. 

We recently visited Eastern Washington, the Tatooine to whatever planet Redmond would be?

Eastern Wa, were the landscape is as refreshing as Listerine (the mouth wash  not the song from the band from the 90s)

Sam, Avery and myself got into the car and headed east to visit friends. 

We had a good time, rolling through the 'pass' and making our way to where the beautiful sand people live.

To live in July!

Sugar Magnolia

"She's got everything delightful, she's got everything I need"

My girls make life easier then it can be. They remind me to slow it down and enjoy the roses. And to listen to Guns N Roses.

Summer walks have been a great free treat of exercise and communication. Avery gets to see firsthand what east side traffic looks like.

It's nice knowing that everything you need is in abundance and right in front of you.

 "I can't remember a number I can use."

We have a rule. At dinner, we put the phones away and disconnect from technology. 

I'm trying to extend it longer. It's hard. It's like watching The Bachelor, you know you shouldn't do it but how can you resist to make fun of these people who clearly are starved for attention?

But then, I guess so am I? Why do I need to have the cell phone at my disposal like it's my social inhaler?

August 1st is a great at reminding me, with the help of my American Beauties (Sam and Avery) that I have everything I need.

"lookout lookout, the candy man, here he comes and he's gone again."

Candyman

I've been eating healthier lately. Maybe it's these Washington summers. They're long!

At 6 in the afternoon the heat reaches its peak. 

I picked up a jump rope and jump and dance to it every chance I can get!

It's been fun. I've even choreographed myself moves as I imagine myself in music videos to great 90's videos I remember as a kid.

I'm trying to bring that back.

My 90's kid. Not 90's videos. Although, they were so cool. 

Sure, the neighbors look at me as that fittingly awkward guy head banging with a speed rope, but thanks to Pokemon Go, I'm no longer the weird one! 

Eh, maybe that's true. Hey,  but we are both burning calories.

Lookout Candy men! The Mcdonald's, Burger Kings, Wendy's. I'm on to your game of getting me in that rut!

I like my ice cream ripple,

"If my words did glow, with the cold hot sunshine"

I can't reiterate how awesome the weather has been these past couple of weeks. I no longer suffer or have seasonal defective disorder as I self diagnosed myself five  years ago.

Therapist: "Yeah, looks like you have seasonal defective disorder."

Me: "No, I know what season it is. It's the eternal WINTER that is my MIND. Can I get a pill or something?"

Five years ago was fun. As Jerry Garcia said,

"There is a road, no simple highway, between the dawn and the dark of night. And if go, no one may follow. That path is for, your steps alone."

If there was ever a more successful lyric for my journey as I recognize this August 1st. 

I'm cashing my welfare check to check on my welfare Bone Thugs. Thanks for the reminder.

I'ts not gobble gobble day, but I do feel a Thanksgiving coming upon me. 

As Martha Stewart would say,

"It's a good thing."

As Jerry and company would say,

"Sometimes the lights all shinning on me,

other times I can barely see,

lately it occurs to me,

What a long strange trip it's been." 

Yup

So Sleep Up Seattle. And look up.

It's all good.

Reach for the best you can be and give it yo' all. 

Or in the words of the wise Wayne Campbell

"Sponsor or no sponsor I will not bow down to my corporate master.

::Takes drink:: Mmmmmm. That is a taste for a new generation."